C'mon, admit it. Yes, I'm talking to you Mr. I'm-so-macho-because-I-have-a-tattoo. At one time or another in our lives, we've all watched the guilty pleasure of the classic Disney film, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. I mean, what kind of parent doesn't let their kid stay up late to watch the "pretty animals" and the "bedazzling colors"? What the general population DOESN'T realize, however, is what a pretty little bundle of lies this classic truly is. If you have any common sense at all, you may have asked yourself one, if not all, of the following six questions:
Question Number One
How many of you can say that there has ever been a male on the face of this Earth who was rich, of noble birth, gorgeous, and went around looking for dead girls to kiss? (If there was, or is, don't tell me . . . I really don't want to know.)
Question Number Two
On this question, ladies, I'm going to ask you to be totally honest. Although you may envy her "oh-so-sensible-fashion-flare" ever now and again, how many of you would plot the murder of your bestest friend just because your hand mirror told you she was better looking than you.
If your hand mirror is talking to you AT ALL, I suggest you seek professional help.
And, even if you did choose to go to such extremes, who's going to say, "Oh, let's make a poison apple and leave it out where my best friend *may* or *may not* eat it!" No one, that's who. Seriously. Just send her to Detroit in the middle of the night. (HEY! It was just a suggestion!)
Question Number Three
Another one for the ladies (sorry, fellas, but, in case you hadn't noticed, this is the equivalent of a chick flick for the Times). How many of you out there have fathers that would let you go play in the woods with seven stubby men? And MINERS on top of that! Stubby or not, my dad wouldn't let me go out with one, let alone SEVEN.
Question Number Four
After a tiring day of classes, studying, multiple tests, exams and those bratty kids you have to baby sit, would one peck on the lips from your beloved really breathe vim and vigor into your soul and magically transform you into a wild party animal?
Question Number Five
Snow White's biggest boo-boo, in my opinion, was to open the door to a "peddler" after the dwarves explicitly told her not to. Then again . . . How many of you would listen to what seven little men with names like Doc and Dopey told you?
I know I wouldn't.
Question Number Six
If Snow was as pure and kindhearted as implied, why did she dump her seven little buddies, who not only put a roof over her head, but made sure she was laid to rest in a comfortable glass coffin, the second a good marryin' man came along?
And so, it comes to where our darling heroine Snow and her Prince Charming ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after.
Two major problems with this.
First of all, am I the only one that remembers Prince Charming kissing Snow in the middle of the day? What, did they hang around with the dwarves, playing Uno until sunset, when P.C. swept Snow off her feet and onto his horse, after which, they proceeded to ride into the setting sun, regardless of the fact that it was AWAY from P.C's home kingdom?
And, where, may I ask, does it say that Snow and Charming got married? What is a married Prince doing, going around and putting glass slippers on the feet of women that are NOT his wife? HMMMM?
Hopefully, you are now able to appreciate the timeless classic Snow White for what it really is, an attempt to delude children into thinking that the world is a good and wonderful place full of helpful animals and kindhearted short men with pickaxes.
This is sims2girl, going to . . . Oh Em Gee, pretty colors! Disillusioning happy helpful animals!
