It seems that everywhere I look, people are happily in love. I get the joyful news from my friends that a guy they like asked them out while I try to be happy for them, I try, but sometimes being happy for them is just really hard. Everyone around me is pairing off and I'm stuck as the odd one out.
"What's wrong with me?" I always seem to ask. I'm friends with guys. But am I not good enough to be more? Am I too shy? Too annoying? Too weird? Too skinny? Not pretty? These thoughts flood my mind as I try to figure out what is about me. I always think there's something wrong with me, that I'm the problem. Guys like all these other girls, why not me? What can I do to fix myself, make myself likable? Maybe it's not me that's the problem, maybe it's the guys.
I look at the girls who never seem to go without a boyfriend. The ones with the dyed blonde hair and Hollister clothes. Their clothes are tight and they're wearing a lot more makeup than I ever would. If they act like themselves they won't get a boyfriend so they win them over with looks and fake personalities. They push themselves on a guy until he one day decides she's pretty enough for him to go out with. I look at these girls, and then I think, if I have to be like this, do I even want a boyfriend?
Of course there are girls out there who don't act like that and have boyfriends, but they aren't the girls who have to have a boyfriend, who NEED a boyfriend in order to survive their daily lives, to feel pretty and secure. They just got lucky and found a guy who likes them for them a little bit earlier than I did.
I sometimes feel like I'm being left out and I should have a boyfriend. I sometimes think I should try and do whatever I can to get a guy to like me. And sometimes I almost listen to myself. But then I just have to think, why would I want a boyfriend if I get them by not being me? Who wants to have to act all the time just to feel that they are loved? I can feel loved without a boyfriend, I've got an amazing family and amazing friends who support me through everything, boyfriend or not.
And one day, when I've completely stopped worrying about being the only one without a boyfriend, an amazing guy will come out of nowhere and sweep me off my feet. And I don't need anyone but the guy who will like me for who I am, every little flaw and all. And when I find him I won't have to be worried about anyone being prettier than me, or me not being good enough. Because I'll be myself, and myself will for once be good enough.
So even if right now I'm a little insecure, and I may be the only 16 year old on the planet who has, yes I'll admit it, never had a boyfriend, I'm ok with that. I'm fine with it, because of all the guys I've ever liked in my entire life, none of them have been that one that has liked me for who I am, and I don't need a boyfriend who likes me because I was being fake or because I'm pretty. I'm ok being single, because as long as I'm single, I'm being me, and being me is all I need.
