A lot of people are obsessed with bands. They like to know everything about them. They read all their blogs, know all the members' names and things about each of them, watch their videos, know the song's track numbers by heart, and even contact them. All of the band's music isn't enough -- it's obsessive. And my weird mind, with it's twisted way of thinking, thinks that's kind of cool.
I wish I could do that with all my bands. But it would be impossible. It would take too much time, and it would be impossible to have all that info for every single band I love. Although, yes, there is one band in particular I do that with. But that's only because I'm going to marry the lead singer, and I should, of course, keep tabs on him.
That's obsessive, like I said. But I don't think that's too unhealthy. I think it's actually kind of normal to have one or two bands like that. But I think there's a difference between being obsessed with something and not being able to function without it. In one case, it's normal, in the other, it's not a healthy way to live.
Well, I got in a little bit of trouble last week. It was anything serious, but still my mom decided to punish me. She took away my iPod for three days. Those three days were the worst three days of my life.
She could take away my phone, my TV, my computer, lock me in a dark room and never feed me - as long as she didn't take away my iPod.
See, my mom doesn't understand. She isn't just taking away something I do in my spare time, or something to entertain myself, like she thinks she is. But it's so much more than that, my iPod is my LIFE. She might as well take away my breath, or my heart. It would be the same thing. I just can't deal without my iPod.
Honestly, in those three days I was desperate. I was seriously just about crying the entire three days straight. I was constantly trying to be on the computer so I could listen to music online or through my iTunes. I was so desperate I had friends play songs through the phone when I couldn't get on the computer. Stuff happened that week. Stuff I just wasn't strong enough to face, so I ran away from it. I kept myself busy with things that didn't matter so I wouldn't have to face the things that did. It didn't work very well.
Were those three days just really bad days, or is life always this tough and now I just couldn't deal with it?
I pleaded with my mom, tears falling from my eyes the whole time, asking her to please give me my iPod back. I made her promises, tons of them. I threatened. I tried everything. Everything from begging to yelling at her, how unfair it was that she could take away something that I saved up and bought myself. Looking back, I'm quite ashamed of how I acted. But I just couldn't help it.
My question is: is this unhealthy? Not being able to function without music? Not being able to deal with anything, not being able to think straight, being so desperate you'd just about do anything for it? No, it probably isn't. I know the way I am isn't good or normal. But the sad part is - I don't care. I can be as unhealthy as unhealthy gets, as long as I have my music. That's the way it is, and frankly, I just don't care.
Love <3,
Andrea(ppd)
