"At night though you lay so far,
we both stare out at the same old stars,
wishing for direction where to go." -Capital Lights
That song came on a few nights ago while I was lying in bed. I was just lying there, staring out through the little crack in my curtains at the dark sky and the bright stars. Every night I just lie there looking at the flashing red lights on the telephone poll that seems to far away, listening to my music. Maybe thinking, maybe crying, it all depends. And that's my therapy.
There are no words to describe how it feels. I couldn't survive without it. I have to get my feelings organized and all sorted out, and that's the way I do it. Music can bring out all kinds of emotions. It can just trigger one specific emotion, or it could trigger so many that you don't even know what to do with them.
Drowning out life is sometimes all you need. Not having to necessarily deal with all the problems that are going on around you. Nothing matters when you've got those headphones on, blasting the music until everything else is just a blur, you're numb to everything but the music. It's you and the music, nothing else. And sometimes instead of just forgetting the problems, music helps me with the problems I have. I've solved some of the worst of problems through music. Music has helped me deal with a lot of crap in the past. I've accepted things a lot easier through music. It's motivated me, helped me move on. It's made me see clearly. It made me accept, understand and like who I really am.
There's a few people who I'll meet once and we'll just click. I feel like I could poor my heart out to them, and part of me wants to. But there are a lot of people I know that I just have a hard time expressing myself when I'm around them. It's nothing specific that they do, and I like the person just fine, but just something about them makes me hold back and not be able to express myself. It kills me. I feel like I'm being fake, and I hate that. But I can't help it. I'm the kind of person that needs to be expressed, I'll go crazy if I don't. Whether it's through talking to my best friend or writing down my feelings. I find the easiest one has always been music for me. You don't have to find the right words and you don't have to make it make sense. You just have to listen.
I believe everyone has some kind of their own therapy. I think for a lot of people, it is music. But for some it could be painting, or dancing, or just riding their bike through their neighborhood. It could be anything. My therapy is music. What's yours?
<3,
Andrea(ppd)
