I wish I was different. I wish I wasn't so alike. I wish I could express my opinions without anyone agreeing. I wish I could say what was on my mind, what I felt, without having to worry about if anyone would feel the same way as me. Instead I keep it inside my head, maybe just so I can feel unique.
I feel like I'm not like most people. Sometimes people even tell me how different I am. It makes me so happy when someone tells me that, because I know I'm different. I know I'm not one of those people that follows the crowd or worries about standing out. I know I'm not the same. I know I'm completely me.
I'm me. Myself. Nobody else.
I express the feelings I have through writing. But lately I feel like I don't even want to do that. I want to keep it all to myself. Just keep it for my thoughts instead of writing it all down where anyone can read it. Because if anyone reads the complex thoughts I have, I know they'll agree with me.
They'll say that they're exactly the same way. They'll say that's exactly how they feel. Most of the time I feel like I can't believe them. Or maybe I just don't want to.
Whenever I'm alone, I'm thinking. Deeply. About life and who I am. And I spend lots of time figuring out who I am and why I'm here.
I want it to be my own. And when someone agrees with me I feel like they're stealing all of that away from me. There's always people that I know aren't being genuine. I say I'm a simple girl who only wants simple things, and I know that isn't true for every single girl in the world. Yet every single in the girl in the world chimes in with, "Me too!"
I wish it wasn't like this. Every time I express a thought, write an article, put something in my blog, most comments are agreements, everyone saying they feel exactly the same way.
I hate this. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I want my thoughts to be my own, and mine only. I don't want everyone to think the things I think or to feel the things I feel.
I've always wanted to be extraordinary. Maybe I know I can't be extraordinary when everyone is just like me. Maybe I'm just afraid I'll be lost in it all, just another person. I don't want to be just another person. I wanna be incredible, remarkable, unusual, rare. Everyone can't be these things, so I can't be the same. I can't be.
I know we aren't all as similar as we sometimes say we are. Maybe sometimes people think they feel the things I feel as deeply as I do, but I know not everyone's like me. In the back of my mind, I know. But when I feel like someone is just like me, I feel defeated, like everything I've spent my life figuring out, everyone else already had all figured out.
But I know they aren't like me, and I know there's so much more to me than the things I write down. My deepest thoughts remain in my mind. I know I can be extraordinary if I want to be. I feel I'm different. But everyone's different.
We're all so different, yet all the same. It's all too much for me to figure out. Maybe these people really are like me. Maybe. It kind of scares me to think that everyone could be just like me. Maybe I just can't handle that nothing I think or feel or do can be completely mine.
