There are some things that everyone wants. I think I may just have something the entire population of the world wants. Happiness.
I look at all the other teenagers and see struggle and the hurt in most of them. I read blogs and Facebook notes discussing the problems they have and their longing to be happy. This is normal. Raging hormones and the drama everyone goes through in high school cause emotions and sadness. Everyone wants to be happy.
And I finally feel I am.
I am so incredibly happy. Happier than anyone will ever know.
I've always been a pretty happy person; upbeat and cheerful. But I've never been like this before. And it makes me feel amazing.
Today I started to cry just thinking about it all; all the things I've changed in my life, and for the better. For once I've done what I should have done a long time ago, and I've found my happiness.
I've stopped surrounding myself with people who don't know how to have fun.
I used to be "best friends" with two people who were trying way too hard to be perfect and only ever talked about school. Sitting with them at lunch was never any fun, I never talked, never laughed. Until I dropped those friends and moved on, I never knew what a best friend was.
I'm so thankful for the group of girls that has accepted me into their lunch table, and their lives. They're the best I have and I don't think I would change them for the world. They've been a huge part of the happiness inside of me that has changed and grown immensely.
Instead of talking about school we talk about whatever pops into our heads as we laugh until our cheeks hurt and throw fries at each other. So these are the types of best friends everyone's always talking about.
I've stopped caring what other people think.
I've always been weird, crazy, a little different, but I used to hide it. I never let my true self shine unless I was with one of my "best friends" and even then I would have to stop myself. They would always tell me to calm down or shut up, and when I can't even be myself around someone, I shouldn't be around them at all.
I've started acting like myself around everyone and whoever can't accept that can simply remove themselves from my presence. But the funny thing is, this hidden personality I've always had that I thought would drive people away from me, has actually drawn them nearer. I've been more outgoing and I've gained more friends than ever.
I've stopped worrying.
I used to worry about whether I could get my Spanish grade up to an A instead of an A-. I used to worry about if I forgot any small piece of homework at home. I used to lay awake at night thinking about the possible things that could go wrong.
But now I'm free.
I've learned to live in the moment instead of worrying about what might happen in the future, or what's happened in the past that I can't change. It's not worth it.
I've learned how to truly have fun.
In the past few months my life has become much more fun than it's ever been. I think I've laughed more in this short period of time than I have in my whole life combined. New and better friends have taught me a lot about having fun. I'm allowed to let loose. I'm allowed.
I've learned to love myself.
I used to hate myself. I used to think I was ugly, and couldn't do anything right. I had no self confidence. I used to be afraid of what other people thought, and no matter what they said, I always believed they thought the worst of me. But I realize there are people out there that love me, and I don't have to hate myself.
I've realized I'm a strong and beautiful girl who can do anything I put my mind to. I don't have to hide myself from the world in fear they'll see in me what I see in myself. I can see the inner beauty that I never thought I had, and I let it show.
And now, I love my life.
I love it more than I ever thought I could. I love every part of it; my chaotic family, my amazing friends, and even myself. I love the imperfections, the beauty, the craziness of life. Life is such a precious thing, and I don't know why I was wasting it before.
I'm happy.
And I feel like I have everything.
