I impatiently tap the desk, pencil in hand. I write something down but I am left with the decision on crumpling it up into a ball and tossing it into the trash can. And again, thoughts circle in my head, but I cannot get them down on paper. They're stuck together and won't come out as one. Before I know it, I am in the kitchen, grabbing a snack from the fridge. I return to my room, lemonade in one hand and pretzels in the other. But my mind has gone blank.
I blankly stare at the clock for a few more minutes. Almost an hour has passed by but I am just sitting here. My brain does not tell me to grab my pencil and race to jot down all my ideas. I am lost. My mind is blank. Usually, I rush with great excitement to write down my thoughts so quickly that I can barely read what I write. In fact, it's taken probably ten or fifteen minutes just to write these first two paragraphs.
Finally, an idea flashes through my mind and my eyes seem to bug out of my face. I imagine a light bulb defying gravity as it floats over my head in mid-air. But with all these new thoughts, I lose the old ones. About a billion blank pieces of paper sit in front of me whispering, "Write, write, write!"
Thank God, an idea flows into my mind and I'm prepared to write it down this time. I've got the most amazing idea for a story! I manage to get my train of thoughts onto the paper in about 30 minutes. And of course this is only a small part of my larger story. I read it over and over, filling my paper with marks from my editing. Finally! A completed article. Let me just read it through one more time . . .
It's not as good as I imagined it to be. I sigh once more. But I can't just crumple this up and throw it away this time. I've wasted too much of my time just sitting at my desk. I am a writer. And I only wish to improve.
So I push the paper to the side and rewrite it on a different piece of paper. I read it over, and revise it as I go. I'm not proud of myself. But I know I should be. I've struggled through writer's block and an idea washed upon me like a wave from ocean. But it feels like the wave has also pushed me down. It seems I will never be satisfied with me work.
And so I try again to rewrite it. And again and again and again and again! A few times a smile is brought to my face and my eyes light up like a star. But when will I be satisfied?
I'm just lost in a world of writers. I look at other books and try to find some inspiration but nothing comes to my mind. I have no hope right now. In fact, I am a bit bored of writing. It's not very fun to stare at blank sheets of paper minute after minute. I'm like a fish in the ocean. I'm lost. I fail to let my talents be recognized because I can't write anything at the time. I can barely even stay focused on writing this article.
I just can't write today. Maybe I'll be better off tomorrow. Perhaps I should submit this and someone will help me out. Or maybe I should just leave you here. I've completed this article and I'm proud. Maybe I'm proud because I am a strong writer who forced her way through writer's block, even if the current was holding her back. Or maybe I'm proud just because. I may not have been too proud of that other article. Yet here I am, wondering why I'm so proud of this. Maybe everything just won't turn out how I want it to. But that's okay. I'll learn to live with everything one day. In fact, I think I've decided I'm going to be proud of all I write. I wrote it myself, with an inspiration of my own. And that's because I'm a writer.
