With three years dealing with anorexia nervosa, I though I'd share my story with all of you people who might be interested, or who migh have gone through, or are going through the same things as me.
I grew up with a desire to become a Heatherette model. As I watched the fashion channel, I saw all those woman, and I wanted to be like them, a plain skeleton walking down a runway. I desired it, I wanted it more than anything, and I didn't care if I had to risk my life for it.
Each day I wanted it more and more, and when I passed to seventh grade, I decided I needed to take charge of my weight, because no one will make me skinny, except me. I could make myself as skinny as I wanted to. So I got on ballet classes, which were four hours every day, five days a week. I just wanted to excersice, so when I got home, I'd have an excuse to say I was "tired" and skip the meal.
Every morning, I wrapped a measuring tape on my waist and thighs, to see how my excercise worked. Apparently, it worked exactly how I wanted it to, but I still wanted to be skinnier. I skipped more meals, for about a week, then on weekends, I would eat my life out, and then start skipping meals for another week. This cycle went on for a year, until I got to weight 75 punds, at age 13.
I got sick for almost anything, and when I got sick, I lost about 15 pounds, so I could weigh down to 65 pounds when I got sick.
Of course I loved that. Every tip of the scale managed to put a smile on my face, the lower the number was, the more encouraged I was to not eat a single meal.
Six months ago, I tried to throw up. So it wasn't just anorexia, it was also bulimia. Sometimes, I even pressed my nails unto my skin to feel something else than hunger. I was also going through my parents' divorce, so I hated everyone more than ever.
It has been three years now, and I'm not completely free of anorexia. I'm working on it though. I've never told anyone, except my best friend, who's really trying to help me. I also know another girl who is anorexic. And I get along with her, but we don't talk about it, even though we both know about each other. We can tell . . .
As long as I'm skinny . . .
